The Night I Left My Mouse at Home

Who knew it would cause me so much angst to be separated from a small gadget such as a wireless mouse! I mean really. One would think I could have managed just fine. But as soon as I looked in my carrying case and realized my fate, I started to feel queasy. Of all nights to forget it, too. I was giving a presentation on my eportfolio. Not good. I promptly decided to reactivate my touch pad which I had previously deactivated because the cursor had a mind of its own. It would fly all over the screen and annoyingly delete things at random. Well, for some reason the reactivation wouldn't work. So I tried a hard boot again. Now I was really hooped because my computer locked on me and I couldn't get it unlocked without clicking on the unlock icon which I couldn't press without my MOUSE!! Agggh, how frustrating. I had to borrow a friend's mouse to unlock my computer, so that I could log off and shut it down. Sigh. I was foiled by a $25 piece of hardware.
Later on that night, during my presentation, I tried my best to use the touch pad. It was no use. I couldn't get the cursor to go where I wanted and the silence in the room, while I tried my best to figure it all out, was deafening. My sympathetic nervous system was working overtime. If I could only get that darn arrow to go where it was supposed to. I'm sure it was mere seconds, but it seemed like several minutes that I stood in front of my group sweating and apologizing. Finally, a colleague came to my rescue with his wireless mouse...my familiar friend.
The really amusing aspect of the evening was that one of the things we were asked to dwell on and write about was the "Red Flags and Frustrations with Technology." Well, that was a no brainer. I'll have to write a blues song about my experience: "The Night I Left my Mouse at Home." I can almost hear The Band crooning out the lyrics....

The Facade

Smoke and mirrors...that's all it is. When I was fresh out of the UBC Education Department, a colleague whom I respected greatly and who had been teaching for many years told me that it would take at least five years to feel comfortable at the front of the class. My jaw dropped. I couldn't continue to hone my craft for another five years! I wanted to be the best I could be right now. So what do I do in the meantime, I wondered. Continue to have an open mind and soak up as much information as you can, this mentor suggested. Go to professional development workshops after school. Go to in-services offered by the staff at the school. And when you don't feel like you can learn anymore, ask for help from other around you. What wisdom! What excellent advice. It has been my crutch over the years.
Another pearl of wisdom that she passed on to me was not to show the students my uncertainty. And when I don't feel confident, fake it. Be an actor until the role of actor and teacher meld into one. I pushed myself to do things I feared the most. It's not that I conveyed false information; rather I smiled through my pain and quelled the knocking knees. Soon I wasn't able to tell the difference between the actor persona and the teacher persona.
Once again, I've come to uncharted territory. I've put on the mask and the facade is as plain as can be. I don't know where I'm going when I delve into new technology, but I'm acting as if I do. I'm not going to let my fear paralyze me, rather it will be a motivator. I know I will make many mistakes, and it may be a cliche, but I will learn from them. My BMW has a shiny new coat of paint, but have you looked under the hood lately. It needs a good tune up.

Bringing technology into the classroom is still very new to me. We have one working computer in the class that is very, very slow and students primarily use it for word processing. However, the other day, a boy brought in his laptop and just began using it during one of my classes. I have to admit, I didn't know how to take it at first. Yes, I am pro-technology, but he didn't ask permission to start working on it. Once we established that he had permission from the student services teacher and he was using it to type up a story, I loosened up a bit. But the rules had all changed. Now students were hovering around him , wanting to know what he was doing, asking him to look up things on Google, surfing here and downloading there. Yikes, where was the control?! Yes, that's it. I had lost control over my lesson. It didn't stop there. At nutrition break, the laptop came out so that music videos could be played. "Oh, she's so hot," was all I kept hearing from the back corner. As the days went on, my classroom became the hangout at break times. After a week and a half of this I couldn't take it anymore. I needed some clarification and guidelines on laptop use in the grade 6/7 classroom. "It's up to you," my administrator said. No! I wanted a straight answer. So, I've made my decision - the laptop can be used as a tool during class but goes off at break times. I'm now the 'mean ' teacher and my class is no longer the place to be at lunch. Did I do the right thing?