Smoke and mirrors...that's all it is. When I was fresh out of the UBC Education Department, a colleague whom I respected greatly and who had been teaching for many years told me that it would take at least five years to feel comfortable at the front of the class. My jaw dropped. I couldn't continue to hone my craft for another five years! I wanted to be the best I could be right now. So what do I do in the meantime, I wondered. Continue to have an open mind and soak up as much information as you can, this mentor suggested. Go to professional development workshops after school. Go to in-services offered by the staff at the school. And when you don't feel like you can learn anymore, ask for help from other around you. What wisdom! What excellent advice. It has been my crutch over the years.
Another pearl of wisdom that she passed on to me was not to show the students my uncertainty. And when I don't feel confident, fake it. Be an actor until the role of actor and teacher meld into one. I pushed myself to do things I feared the most. It's not that I conveyed false information; rather I smiled through my pain and quelled the knocking knees. Soon I wasn't able to tell the difference between the actor persona and the teacher persona.
Once again, I've come to uncharted territory. I've put on the mask and the facade is as plain as can be. I don't know where I'm going when I delve into new technology, but I'm acting as if I do. I'm not going to let my fear paralyze me, rather it will be a motivator. I know I will make many mistakes, and it may be a cliche, but I will learn from them. My BMW has a shiny new coat of paint, but have you looked under the hood lately. It needs a good tune up.
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I love it. I don't know any teacher who hasn't felt this at one time or another. And, to be honest, even almost 30 years into my teaching career I still have days where I feel like I'm stepping back into my "teaching costume."
ReplyDeleteI remember the first time I stood in front of a class during my practium was one of my most terrifying experiences. I was 22 they were 8 but there was 24 of them in their neat little desks. I clung to the edge of the bin table and couldn't wait for my mouth to stop moving so it could all be over. As the kids were all busy with their activities my practicum teacher approached and said something that has stuck with me for now...ten years. "Children are like sharks, if they smell blood they'll come after you!"
ReplyDeleteYes Susan, I know what it's like to "fake it" because there have been times where I just didn't want to show my ignorance about a matter and lose the confidence of the students. But it has also gotten me into trouble at times and I 'm not convinced it is the right approach.
ReplyDeleteStudents need to see that we are confident or they lose a certain confidence as well and evn can lose respect. But I've found that they lose respect far quicker if they catch you faking it. It seems to me that confidence isn't about having all the answers or technological ability. One can be confident while having many questions still unanswered or skills undeveloped. If we, as educators are upfront with students on our limitations and communicate that we are on the journey of learning along with the students in some matter (perhaps a new technology skill) then they will respect that. Our confidence does not have to be based on our superior knowledge or skill on a particular subject, but on our role as a facilitator in the process.